+ + + + + + + + + + + + + +
I'm having some time off at the moment
As a few of you may have known or guessed, I left my job about two weeks ago
Some of you must be wondering
what the heck I did to supplement my shopping and holidays
Well here comes the truthI did a really boring job that I had zero interest in
I did research. Cancer research.
I had flexible hours and many days of annual leave - which is why I could go on all those holidays - but the work was tiring and dull. I am a person who needs constant stimulation and things I can physically do. I didn't enjoy what I did. In fact I
hated it. It just wasn't me!
Additionally, there was no one similar to me or anyone I could really click with
All I had to do was wear a pink top and I'd be odd one out or the most brightly dressed person
I stood out not like a rose among thorns but more like a sore thumb.
But the thing that really FUCKED IT UP was the man that I had to work with
A complete asshole - an arrogant, rude, condescending, inconsiderate bastard
And that's me being kind!I was bullied and abused and made to feel like crap every day
There was so much hatred for this man built up in my mind that night after night I would imagine how I'd murder him (decapitation? burnt alive? a million papercuts?). Once I even dreamt that he did get killed by nazis, was so happy, and then fully disappointed when I woke up! I know it's morbid/terrible, whatever, but it made me feel better..
The place where I worked became a sort of war zone. When I arrived I would sneak up along the corridors. Peek around the corners. Tread the floors silently. Wherever I might spot this asshole, the opposite direction I went. I avoided being in the same room as him as much as I could. And that would be the most interesting part of my work day. Besides lunch.
Outside of work, I was happy
But this job slowly but surely ate at my soul and destroyed me inside
I began to lose sight of who I really was/am and felt very demotivated
Sunday nights were the worst.. let's just say, tears on my pillows..
Anyway, I put up with that bloody crap for too long
One day it finally clicked that I CAN do without this job for a while
Leaving that hell is probably the best thing I've done for myself this year
I haven't got a real plan for what I'm going to do next - in fact I have no idea
For now I'm just grateful for the break and the hot weather
I need this time to think about what is it I need to make my life complete.
Well not complete, but closer towards that.
I want to do something that I can be happy and excited about.In a place where I can be my true 'weird' or 'crazy' self, where I can give people funny stuffed animal drawings on random days, ask
'so which would you rather drink, a full cup of day-old vomit, or half a cup of fresh diarrhoea'(pick one or die!), or get to come with me to Hamleys to buy toys without feeling like it's a sin.
I want to draw and write and surround myself with beautiful fashion magazines and books and take tons of photos and videos - Hey these are things I can start doing now!
Goddamnit typed too much!!!
//